Thou Shalt Not Covet

“Thou shalt not covet.” You know the line. But what does it really mean?

Coveting is wanting something that isn’t yours—a burning desire for someone else’s life or possessions.

Here’s the deal: If you’re gonna covet, at least have the guts to do it properly. Go big or go home, my friend.

I’m going to refer to this as Comprehensive Coveting.

What is Comprehensive Coveting?

It’s not about obsessing over someone else’s stuff or breaking commandments.

It’s about being honest with yourself.

If you want someone’s life, you don’t just get the shiny bits. You get the whole messy, complicated package including all the sacrifices and tradeoffs that come with it.

Let’s use my life as an example.

Retired at 33? A six-month trip around the world? Sounds amazing, right?

But it comes with trade-offs. I don’t have kids. Love ‘em, but they’re not for me. Would you trade your kids’ joy for my passport stamps? Didn’t think so.

This life also required changes many people wouldn’t consider like ditching Uber Eats, meal-prepping, squeezing into a 375 sq/ft apartment for a year, or booking 5 a.m. flights to save money. Does that sound appealing? If not, you don’t really covet my life—you covet a fantasy.

As the great philosopher Ronnie Coleman once said, “Everybody wants to be a bodybuilder, but nobody wants to lift no heavy-ass weights.”

Translation? You can’t have the reward without the grind.

I wouldn’t have the early retirement that some may think they covet if I wasn’t ok with the sacrifices I had to make. I say sacrifices but in reality, I never compromised on the things that gave me real fulfillment. So they were conscious choices to do things most people wouldn’t, but they hardly felt like a sacrifice to me.

But those conscious choices would have felt impossible for some.

This is exactly why you shouldn’t covet something unless you’re ready to covet everything. 

The Problem With Cherry-Picking

No cherry-picking, folks. If you want to covet, you’ve got to go all in—warts and all.

Here’s the thing: you can’t cherry-pick the best parts of someone’s life without considering the full picture. Take Jeff Bezos. Do you want his billions and his obsessive work ethic that cost him his marriage? Didn’t think so.

Cherry-picking creates unfair expectations for yourself. You daydream about a perfect life that doesn’t exist and ignore what’s good in your own.

Gratitude and Perspective

For example, I’ve caught myself in the partial covet trap as I was envying people who grew up in affluent families. But would I trade my frugality, grit, or appreciation for the life I’ve built? No way. Those “disadvantages” shaped who I am today.

I don’t covet a different background because doing so would mean losing my present circumstances. I don’t want it all, so don’t give me any of it.

When you covet comprehensively, you see the full reality behind someone’s life. It forces you to ask: Is it really worth the tradeoff?

A Real-World Example

Let’s take this logic for a spin with a real-world example. 

Let’s say you covet your friend’s big house and new truck. Sounds nice, right? But consider the costs:

Consider what. you do have and compare that to what you think you want.

Here’s your current position:

• Began working at 25 in 2020

• Currently 30 years old

• Current mortgage: $2800/mo

• Current car paid off

• Currently investing $2,500 per month

• Currently spending $4,000 per month

• Nest Egg Required to retire: $1.2M

• Retirement: 2039 at Age 44

Here’s the coveted position:

• Began working at 25 in 2020

• 30 years old

• New Mortgage $4,000/mo

• Car Payment $800/mo

• Investing $500/mo

• Spending increases from $4,000/mo to $6,000/mo

• Nest Egg Required to retire increases from $1.2 to $1.8M

• Retirement: 2052 at age 57… 13 years later than before

Thankfully in this example, you still had those first five years at a high savings rate before, at age 30, you decided to make some major financial changes. 

You said that you wish you had the bigger house and the new truck. You thought that’s what you coveted. But do you still want that house and truck if it means working 13 more years? Probably not. 

Consider those things you think you may covet and don’t just stop there. Consider the Comprehensive form of Coveting. Think of the joys you’ll have to lose and the sacrifices you’ll have to make to achieve that which you Covet. 

Final Thoughts

Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” But when done comprehensively, comparisons can either:

• Reveal the parts of life you may need to change which provides you with clarity of the actions required to achieve what you want

• Help you recognize that the changes required don’t fit your mission and/or values and will remove that dark cloud of coveting and allow you to move on

So next time you find yourself coveting, stop and think: Do I really want this life? All of it? If not, let it go.

Focus on your unique journey, your privileges, and your obstacles—they’re what make you, you.